Mama Didn't Raise No Fool (I Ain't Your Mama Collaboration) Page 2

  “Why in the hell don’t you have a beer in your hand?” Nick asked. He stood next to me and draped his arm over my shoulders. “You’re about forty minutes late to your own party and need to catch up.”

  “You told me the fucking thing started at seven. It’s barely after six.” Yesterday the foreman on the job site we were working on had informed us all that we were going to be putting in some overtime today. When I had shared with Nick and Brad, they acted like it wasn’t a big deal that I wasn’t going to be around to help set up the party. I now understood why they were okay with me not being there all day because I can guarantee you I would not have let this massive party happen.

  “Change of plans,” Nick mumbled.

  A large group of people walked into the back yard from the side of the house and Brad hollered welcome to them.

  “Killer party, Nick!”

  “Love the new house, Nick!”

  I turned and glared at Nick. “You might want to tell them this isn’t your fucking house.”

  “Details,” Nick scoffed.

  “A pretty fucking big detail.” I should have known not to trust Nick and Brad. While they had both settled down and gotten married, they weren’t completely changed guys. Back when we were all single I couldn’t tell you how many epic parties Nick and Brad had thrown together at the drop of a hat. They obviously hadn’t lost their touch.

  “Just grab a beer, make a plate of food, and mingle. I know for a fact Bev invited a couple of single chicks from work who I think would be perfect for you.” Nick nudged me with his elbow. “The one in the short shorts is my pick for you.”

  I rolled my eyes and stepped away from Nick and Brad. “I’ll take you up on the first two, but I’m not interested in the chicks you two are trying to parade past me.” I was actually exhausted as fuck from work and just wanted to shower, but I didn’t want to be a complete dick. As much as this party was way too fucking much, I knew Nick and Brad had done a lot of work to make it happen.

  I made my way over to the tables laden down with food and filled a plate to overflowing. I managed to snag a seat by a few people I actually did know and started to unwind with my first beer and some damn good food.

  I planned to hangout for a couple of hours and then sneak into the house. I knew it was my party, but more than half of these people weren’t even going to notice I snuck off.

  Two more beers and I was going to call it a night.

  *

  Chapter Five

  Nova

  It happened.

  It only took thirteen days, but my new neighbors had finally shown just how big of assholes they were.

  HUGE assholes.

  Both sides of the street were lined with cars and three had parked in my driveway.

  “Oh dear.”

  I glared over at my mother. “I believe this is more than an ‘oh dear’ situation, mother.”

  She put her hand over her mouth and tried to smother her laugh. Ordering her that fourth glass of merlot at dinner had not been a good idea. “If this is going to be the new normal you could always charge them for parking.” She peeled off into another fit of laughter.

  I slammed my car into park and swung open my door. This shit was not going to fly. Hell to the no.

  “Where are you going?” mom hollered from the car.

  I marched around the car and yanked open her door. “I’m getting your drunk butt into the house and then I’m going over to the neighbors to see what the hell they are thinking parking cars in my driveway.”

  “Brent is on the way.” She stepped out of the car and pushed her phone in my face. “Isn’t that what this says?”

  I grabbed her phone and read over the message. “Yeah.” I glanced up and watched headlight come around the bend of the road. “He’s here right now.”

  “Damn, Nova,” he called out the open window. “Aren’t you a little too old to be having a rager?”

  I helped mom out of the car and she leaned heavily against it as I slammed the door. “I’m not old, and this isn’t my rager.”

  Brent had stopped his car in front of my driveway and stepped out of the car. “Uh, then why the hell do you have all of these cars parked in your driveway?”

  “It’s only three, and I’m about to find out why they are here as soon as you take possession of my mother.”

  Mom lifted her hand and gave a fluttery wave to Brent. “Hello, dear. I seem to have gotten myself a bit tipsy.”

  Brent was mom’s boyfriend. Ninety nine percent of the time I didn’t mind him. Hell, I knew he was perfect for my mother, but there were rare times when he went with humor in a shittastic situation that I did not appreciate at all.

  Now was one of those times.

  “It’s always interesting what is going to come home when you two decide to go out.”

  I helped mom over to the car and opened the passenger door. Brent hopped out of the car and fetched mom’s purse from over on the ground by my car where she had dropped it.

  “She’s a lightweight,” I grumbled. I lifted her legs into the car after she plopped down into the seat. “Next time I’m cutting her off at two glasses and I don’t care what she says.” I slammed the door shut and blew out a breath. “Now, if you’ll excuse. I’m going to go talk to my new neighbors and ask them just what exactly they think they are doing, turning my driveway into a parking lot.”

  “I hate to be that sucker. You and your mother are two people I know not to piss off.”

  I beeped the locks on my car and nodded at Brent. “I always knew you weren’t a dumb man, Brent. Tell mom to call me in the morning when she sobers up.”

  I made the trek across my yard and skirted around the five cars that were parked haphazardly in the neighbor’s yard. “This is beyond ridiculous,” I mumbled under my breath. It was like a damn frat had moved in next door. I wasn’t sure if this was as bad as the devil children living next door or if it was worse.

  People milling around the front porch, all of them in varying degrees of drunkenness. If only I could be drunk right now.

  I raised my hand when I reached the top of the stairs and knocked on the door.

  “You can just go in.”

  I glanced over at the woman who was wearing a bright pink tank top and white cutoff shorts. “I’d prefer whoever lives here to come to the door.”

  “Good luck with that. I don’t even know who lives here.”

  “Then why are you here?” I didn’t even know this woman and I was annoyed as hell with her. I guess that had to do with the fact that she was half in the bag and I was sober as a nun in church. Dealing with drunk people when you were sober was always a difficult thing.

  She laughed and held up her half empty glass. “Free booze and food.”

  I rolled my eyes and knocked on the door again. I knew it was probably a lost cause actually having whoever lived here come to the door. “Are they around back?” I asked her.

  “Yes, girl. That is where all of the food and booze is.”

  I rolled my eyes and walked back down the steps. Booze and food was not what I was looking for. My dumbass neighbor was my target.

  The closer I got to the backyard the more people spilled out onto the side of the house. “So many freakin’ people,” I grumbled. I bumped into a woman who burst out laughing and stepped back into me.

  She completely ignored the fact she had almost knocked me over and just continued to laugh like a hyena. “Too old for this shit.”

  I stayed to the outskirts of the yard and watched the yard full of people. I needed to figure who my actual neighbor was. Seeing as I had never seen them before, this was going to be more difficult than I had thought. Perhaps waiting until tomorrow to rain hell down on them might be a better idea.

  “I think you’re the only one here who doesn’t have a drink in their hand.”

  A woman appeared by my side and I looked her up from head to toe. She was dressed in all black and she also didn’t have a drink in her hand. “Correct
ion, you and I are the only ones that don’t have drinks in our hands.”

  “Touché,” she laughed. “This is my husband’s idea of a good time. Mine, not so much.”

  “You and your husband must be complete opposites then.”

  She laughed lightly and rubbed her stomach. “Normally I’m good with coming over to Tucker’s for a few drinks but seeing as I’m pregnant I don’t enjoy it as much now.”

  I looked down at her hand. She must not have been very pregnant because her stomach looked completely flat.

  “It’s the black,” she explained. “I haven’t even told my husband I’m pregnant yet. Pretty sure he’s going to flip his switch when I tell him.”

  I was supposed to be looking for my asshole neighbor but had somehow wound up in a conversation with a pregnant woman I didn’t even know. I blinked and my eyes shot up to her’s. “Who is Tucker?” My brain finally registered the fact that she had referred to my neighbor.

  “You don’t know who Tucker is but you’re at his house?” she asked. She tilted her head to the side. “Are you one of the women Brad invited over to be introduced to Tucker?”

  “I’d like very much to be introduced to Tucker, but not because I want to date him.”

  The woman laughed. “Are you like a loan shark or something coming to collect their debt?”

  “Uh, no. Not at all, though I’m pretty sure I could bust some kneecaps if it were ever to come down to it.” My mother hadn’t raised some delicate flower. Four years of karate and kickboxing classes every week made for a chick who didn’t take anyone’s shit.

  The woman held her hand out to me. “I’m Grace. I have no idea who you are, but I already like you.”

  “Nova.” I shook her hand and turned back to survey the crowd of people. “Since we’re friends now, do you think you could point out which one of these guys is Tucker?”

  “First you need to tell me exactly what you want him for. We might be new friends, but I’m pretty sure Brad would frown on me sending an assassin Tucker’s way.”

  I laughed and shook my head. “Not an assassin. Just the pissed off next door neighbor.”

  “Oh girl,” Grace laughed. “You’re gonna rip him a new asshole for having all of these people over, aren’t you?”

  “I really don’t care that he is having a party. The three cars and people milling around my house is the problem I have.”

  Grace nodded her head. “I hear ya, girl. I would feel the same way if I were you. Follow me.”

  “You’ll take me to Tucker?”

  She moved into the crowd and looked at me over her shoulder. “I’ll take you to Tucker, but it’s Brad and Nick you should be mad at. This party is all their doing.”

  “You just ratted out your husband,” I called as I followed her.

  “Sure did. I’ve been here for four hours dealing with drunk people. That takes a toll on a person when they can’t enjoy the kegs of beer and bottles of booze.”

  So she knew exactly how I felt when the bubbly and drunk brunette at the door talked to me. Maybe Grace and I were becoming friends.

  We moved through the crowd and onto the deck were the food, booze, and kegs were set up.

  “Nick,” Grace called. “Where is my dumbass husband?”

  A handsome sandy haired guy turned around with a huge smile on his lips. “Grace! Where the hell have you been?”

  “Watching all of you idiots get drunk.” We moved in front of him and she hitched her thumb at me. “Tucker has someone who wants to talk to him.”

  Nick looked me up and down. “I think he’s in the house.” He turned to Grace. “You’re trying to hook Tucker up too?”

  Grace rolled her eyes. “Lord. It’s a wonder why Bev and I married you and Brad.”

  Nick too a step back and clutched his hand to his chest. “I would be completely offended by that if I weren’t seven beers into this party.”

  Grace planted a hand on his chest and pushed him out of the way. “Go find your wife.”

  “I know where she is, I don’t need to find her.” He pointed across the patio. “She’s setting up the beer pong.”

  “God help us” Grace mumbled.

  A small, pixie like woman was folding down a portable ping pong table. “How old are you guys?” My brain to my mouth filter was on the fritz with me being this pissed off. My bitch was showing and I didn’t care.

  “Are you ever too old to play beer pong?” Nick asked me.

  I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, you are. Especially when you invite every Tom, Dick, and Harry to play and then have them park in my driveway.” I gritted my teeth and tried to put a leash on it. I know Grace had said Nick and Brad were the ones responsible for the party, but at the end of the day this was Tucker’s house. He was going to get the brunt of my wrath whether it was fair or not.

  Grace led me into the house and I was surprised to see even more people all over.

  “Good god,” I mumbled. “How many people were invited?”

  “I don’t really think there is a solid number. Brad and Nick had the brilliant idea to throw Tucker a housewarming party and this is what it became.” Grace looked around the kitchen. “I don’t see Tucker, but I do see my very own dumbass. Let me ask him if he knows where Tucker might be.”

  Grace moved into the kitchen and I stayed off to the side of the sliding glass door.

  This house was bigger than mine but the layout was about the same. When the old neighbors had put it up for sale, I had contemplated buying it for about two point five seconds before I realized a bigger house just meant more to clean.

  Empty cups cluttered the kitchen table and there were people filling both couches watching TV.

  Grace appeared next to me. “Brad said Tucker headed up to bed about ten minutes ago.”

  Just great. “Seriously? This is his house and he just went up to bed with a huge party going on?”

  “I know,” she laughed. “I find it rather ridiculous too, but I wasn’t kidding when I said Brad and Nick were the brainchild of this whole thing. Tucker worked today and really wasn’t up for this.”

  I hadn’t even met this Tucker guy yet and I had to wondered just type of guy he was. “Well, can you just tell him I came by.” I totally planned on coming over bright and early in the morning to rip him a new asshole.

  “Just go up,” she insisted. “I’ll take you. I highly doubt he’s sleeping. Like I said, I just don’t think he was up for a party.”

  Grace grabbed my arm, not giving me a chance to say no, and dragged me up the stairs. “I’ll try figuring out who’s cars are in your driveway. Sometimes people are such idiots,” she mumbled under her breath.

  We passed two spare bedrooms on the left then moved to the door at the end of the hallway. Grace knocked quickly and looked over at me with a huge grin on her face. “This is going to be fun.”

  Before I could ask her what she was talking about, the door swung open and the hot bearded mover I had seen two weeks ago stood in front of me shirtless and mad as hell.

  *

  Chapter Six

  Tucker

  “Whatever the hell this is, Grace, I don’t want any fucking part of it.” I swung the door shut in her face but she stuck her foot out before it closed.

  “Pretty sure this is one person you want to talk to.” Grace folded her arms over her chest with a smug look. “She wasn’t invited to the party.”

  “So your friend is mad she didn’t get invited to the party?” I looked over the woman I had never seen before. She was hot as fuck, but that wasn’t going to sway me into talking to her right now. I was tired as hell with a raging headache, and knew come morning I was going to be downstairs cleaning up the party I didn’t want but had still happened. “You’re lucky you weren’t invited. Hit me up when I’m not mad as hell at my dumbass friends.”

  Things had started off good with the party, but the parade of young, dumb, and scantily clad women was too much for me to fucking bear. When Nick and Brad said they inv
ited a few women, I was fine. But honestly there were twenty women swarming me while I tried to eat and anytime I made my way to the keg they all followed suit. It was too fucking much.

  Now Grace was bringing them to my room. No fucking way.

  “Uh, well…” the woman stuttered.

  “I think you might want to hear what she has to say, Tucker. And speaking of those dumbass friends of yours,” Grace hitched her thumb over her shoulder, “I’m gonna go see if I can find them and start herding people out the door.”

  Yeah, like that was going to fucking happen. Nick and Brad were teleported back to their college days and were yucking it up like the frat boys they used to be. “Tell them they don’t leave until the house is cleaned.”

  “Right,” Grace drawled. “I’m not a miracle worker. I’ll working on evacuating the place but you might be on your own with the cleanup.” Grace disappeared down the hallway and left me with the random woman at my door.

  I turned my focus on her and actually took a look at her. Her hair was dirty blond, piled on top of her head, faded and ripped jeans encased her legs, and white tank top was molded perfectly to her lush breasts. The woman was a ten and I really wished she hadn’t stumbled up to my door when I was in such a piss poor mood.

  She held her hand out to me. “I’m Nova.”

  I looked down at her hand and took a deep breath. I needed to reign in the asshole mood I was in. “Tucker.” I shook her hand and decided to let her to take the lead on the conversation. She was after all the one who had come to my house and tracked me down to my bedroom.

  “You’re throwing quite a party.”

  I nodded my head. It really wasn’t my party, but it was at my house. “Yeah, it’s something.”

  “Lots of people.”

  I again nodded my head. She wasn’t telling me something I didn’t already know.

  “You must be really close with your neighbors for them to be okay with this.”

  I cocked my eyebrow and folded my arms over my chest. “Never met them, but I really don’t think they would have a problem with it. Not like I do this every weekend or something.”