Nickel (Fallen Lords M.C. Book 1) Read online

  “The only survivor of the crash was Ryan Morski, and he’s got a hard-on for your dad to make him pay for what he did.”

  “Oh, my God,” I gasped.

  “Yeah. Apparently, that also includes you, too. He’s trying to take away everything from your dad, and he’s going to start with you. The night your dad called you, he was trying to warn you that you were in danger. The guard that was helping Morski found out and had your dad put in solitary so he couldn’t call you again.”

  “But my dad doesn’t care about me. Why would he come after me?”

  “He doesn’t know that, baby girl. And I think it’s more your dad cares about you but he’s fucked up so much that he just leaves you alone so he won’t fuck up your life anymore.”

  “Did you talk to my dad?” I didn’t know how to feel about the fact that Nickel might have had contact with him. I had cut my dad off because nothing ever changed with him. He made promises that he was never able to keep, and I was sick of being let down all of the time.

  “No, right now, I can’t get to him. With him being in solitary, he’s pretty safe. We did have a talk with the guard who put him there, though.”

  “That’s where you went last night,” I whispered. Nickel had packed me up, moved me to the clubhouse, and then he had gone out to try and fix the problem before I even knew about it. I set the plate down on the coffee table; my appetite suddenly was gone. “I don’t want you to get hurt or in trouble dealing with my problems.”

  Nickel scoffed and took a sip of his coffee. “If you have a problem, so do I.”

  “That’s ridiculous. I can take care of this. Maybe if I had a chance to talk to this guy and let him know that I don’t have any connection to my father, he will leave me alone.” There had to be something that I could do.

  “No, that is not happening. You will not have any contact with this psycho. He doesn’t care if you hate your dad or not. He’s after anyone with a connection to your father.”

  “But that doesn’t make any sense, either. I wasn’t there when my dad ran into them.”

  Nickel shook his head and pulled me into his lap. “He doesn’t care about that. He feels that your dad took away his family, so now he’s going to take away your dad’s family.”

  Shit. I guess that did make sense, if you were whacked in the head. “So what happened when you talked to the guard last night? You didn’t kill him, did you?” Sweet hell, I didn’t know what to do if he answered yes. I held my breath waiting while Nickel took another sip of coffee then leaned forward with me in his lap, and grabbed a piece of bacon off the plate. “Gah! Would you answer my question, man?” I smacked his chest and curled my lips.

  A smile spread across his lips, and he shook his head. “No.” The butthead had just been playing with me. “Clash and the guys had a little fun roughing him up, but I promise, he was still breathing when they left.”

  Well, that was one thing that wasn’t going to weigh down on my conscience. “So, what happens now?”

  “Now we find Morski and have a little chat with him.”

  I quirked my eyebrow. “Something tells me your kind of chat is way different than the kind of chat I would have with him.”

  “Yeah, we tend to like to chat with our fists.”

  I wound my arms around his neck and moved to straddle his lap. “I’d much rather you not use your fists because I don’t want you getting into trouble.”

  “I’m not going to get into trouble.”

  “I bet every person who is in prison has said the same thing before. Hell, my dad always used to brag about how he never got into trouble, and now look at where he is.” It was karma that had finally caught up with my dad. I firmly believed that you could only cheat fate so many times before you got what was coming to you ten-fold.

  “And every person in prison did something bad.”

  “Um, Nickel, excuse me if I’m wrong, but you killing Morski is wrong.”

  He brushed my hair off my shoulder and pressed his warm lips to the bare skin. A chill ran through my body, and I was amazed at the fact that I was talking about Nickel possibly killing someone yet he touched me and I was turned on.

  “My bad isn’t bad because I’m doing it for the right reason.”

  I rolled my eyes. “I believe you’re splitting hairs to make things go in your favor.”

  “You gonna finish eating while we talk, baby girl?”

  And now he was avoiding even talking about it. I didn’t think I would ever see this the same way Nickel would. “Our talk made me not so hungry.”

  “Sorry, but you needed to know.”

  I tilted my head. “But you didn’t think I needed to know about Cora until I was on the brink of meeting her?”

  “I told you that was club business.”

  “Not sure I’m going to like this whole club business thing, Nickel. I’m already way out of my element being with you then you throw at me the fact there are going to be times where I’m going to ask a question, and you won’t tell me the answer because it’s club business. I think that’s kind of bullshit.” I thought it was complete bullshit, but I didn’t want to come off as a full bitch. I was treading the line of half bitch at the moment.

  “Just think of it as my job. I don’t know everything that goes on with you at the nursing home.”

  Ha! The man was crazy if he thought that he could compare the club to me working at a nursing home. “I don’t know whether to stop or to let you go on making a fool of yourself.”

  “What?” he smirked.

  “Nickel, you just compared a nursing home filled with people over the age of eighty to your club of outlaws.”

  He was back to the smirk and rumble. “Baby girl, just know if it’s something you need to know, you will know.”

  Ugh. That wasn’t enough for me. “How about if I ask, then you tell me.”

  He shook his head. “You ask questions all the time. That really isn’t fair to me.”

  “Fine. I promise I’ll only ask if it’s really bothering me. I don’t need to know everything, but I would like to know before you’re about to go do something dangerous.”

  “Why? So you can try to talk me out of it?”

  I pressed my hands to his chest and shook my head. “No. Well maybe, but also so I know. Just me knowing will help me not be such a neurotic bundle of nerves.”

  “I didn’t tell you where I was going last night and you were anything but a bundle of nerves. You became Captain of the clubhouse and made friends with Boink and Pipe.”

  “That only happened because I was mad at you about Cora because you didn’t tell me about her. You had your friends tell me about her, and I couldn’t be a bitch about it in front of them because, well, I didn’t want to look like a bitch.”

  “I thought you are going to hang out with Cora this afternoon? Now you’re mad about it?”

  I poked him in the chest. “No, I’m not mad at her, I’m mad at you for thinking that you couldn’t tell me about her.”

  “Karmen, I barely had you. Hell, I still feel like I barely have you. I’m afraid you’ll get scared, or something is going to spook, and you’ll be gone before I even have a chance to blink.”

  “Did you ever stop to think why I might react that way? I’ve never had anything good in my life before, Nickel. My mom left when I was a baby, my dad left because he was too selfish to think about anything but himself, and my grandma was just a straight up bitch who wanted absolutely nothing to do with me. Before you took off with me on the back of your bike, the only person I had in my life who hadn’t screwed me over yet was Nikki. So you need to realize it’s going to take me a bit to actually not think you’re going to leave me. I mean, have you seen Cora?”

  He chuckled and wrapped his arms around my waist. “Yeah, baby girl, I saw her and knew in your mind you were going to think that you weren’t as good as her.”

  I wasn’t sure how I felt about him noticing how gorgeous Cora was. I mean, I had asked him the question if he
had actually looked at her, but I wasn’t prepared for him to say that he actually did notice her. Stupid, Karmen. I wiggled in his lap, wishing he would let me go. I was retreating hardcore because I had managed to spook myself when I was straddling the man’s crotch.

  “Where are you going?” he muttered. His arms wrapped tight around me, and I knew that there wasn’t any escaping.

  I glanced over my shoulder at my plate of abandoned food. “I’m hungry.”

  “Bullshit,” he growled.

  “Hey, that is not bullshit.” Total bullshit. The man knew me too well.

  “I’m gonna lay this shit out for you right now, and I’m not going to beat around the bush or assume you know what I’m talking about.”

  I shook my head and pushed against his chest. “I change my mind. You don’t have to tell me anything. Even if it has everything to do with me. I take it all back.” I didn’t think I was ready for Nickel to lay all his shit bare.

  He stood up, my body instinctively wrapping around him, and he fell into to bed with me on top. “We’re doing this right here, right now.” He rolled us over, so he was on top, and I had no way to escape. “I’m here.”

  I blinked slow. “Yes, you’re here.”

  He shook his head. “No, that’s not what I fucking mean.” He put a finger to my chest. “I mean, I’m here.”

  I gulped and felt all the blood rush from my face. “Oh hell,” I whispered.

  “Last night, you were drunk off your ass, and you told me you were falling in love with me. Now, you can say ‘til you’re blue in the face that you were drunk and didn’t mean it, but I’m never going to believe it.”

  I closed my eyes and wished I could disappear. Dammit all. Why did I have to be so chatty when I drank? “I’m never drinking again.” Yup, that was all I had to say about the fact that I was falling in love with Nickel. Hell, it was more like I was actually in love with Nickel, but no amount of rum was going to make me admit that.

  “Doubtful,” Nickel mumbled.

  My lips pressed together.

  “You also told me you were terrified to be part of my world. Why? What’s so wrong with my life that scares you?”

  My eyes bugged out. “Nickel, your world is all wild, bikes, and flying by the seat of your pants. Those are three things I have never had in my life. I saw what being wild and doing whatever you want gets you. My mother couldn’t be bothered to stay with me because she was more concerned about where she was going and how much fun it was going to be.”

  “Karmen.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Nickel.”

  “I said I was going to lay all this shit out, right?”

  “Yes, but I wish you wouldn’t.”

  He ignored my request and plowed right on. “Never met your mom, and I can tell you right now, if I ever do, she’ll be the first woman I ever hit. She screwed with your head so early on that there wasn’t any hope for anyone else in your life. Then your father fucking up so bad that you wound up in your grandmother’s lap, Jesus, talk about fucked up.”

  “You’re not telling me anything I don’t already know.” My life was fucked up. Thanks for saying it out loud.

  “But you’re here, baby girl. You have a good fucking job, a friend that will do anything for you, and a man that will die before anything happens to you. All that bad shit that happened to you growing up left room for when you got older to know what you wanted, and you weren’t afraid to take it.”

  “Did you forget the part where I said I’m terrified of you?”

  He brushed my hair off my forehead and shook his head. “No. You’re not terrified of me. What you’re afraid of is giving me some of that control you’ve had over the past few years of your life. You think as long as you’re in control, nobody can fuck you over. The difference between me and anyone else in this world is that I will die before anything bad touches you. I’m not your mother, not your father, and definitely not your grandmother. They all had the chance to be in your life, and they all blew it. I’m not going to fuck it up.”

  “You barely know me,” I whispered. How long had I been with Nickel? A week? Two? I couldn’t keep track.

  “Karmen, I’ve known you for over a year. I saw you take care of my grandmother like she was your own. I saw you laughing in the hallways with your girl thinking no one was looking. I fucking saw you, Karmen. I saw you, and I knew that I didn’t deserve you, but I didn’t care. You were going to be the quiet to my wild, the simple to my complicated. You were mine from day one, but you didn’t even know it. Hell, even with me saying it word for word right now, I can still see that you don’t get it.”

  “I don’t get it,” I whispered. I wasn’t anything he had said. I mean, I was, but all the things he said weren’t good enough to fall in love with someone. Everyone does the things he said.

  “Jesus, woman.” He shook his head and rolled us back over so I was laying on top of him.

  I braced my hands on either side of his head and looked down at him. “I’m sorry, but the things you saw are nothing. All of the nurses take good care of your grandma, Nikki laughs all of the time, more than I do. I’m not anything special.”

  “Let’s try this from a different angle.”

  I blinked. “Um, okay.” What other angle was there?

  “Tell me what you like about me.”

  “Uh…um…what?”

  Nickel jack-knifed up and sat. “Don’t think too hard about it. Just tell me why you’re here right now with me.”

  I looked around his barren room and racked my brain. “Well, I think you’re handsome.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Uh, I like the close you are to your friends.”

  “They’re my brothers. I would do anything for them, and they would do the same for you and me.”

  I don’t know why he included me in that, but I ignored it. “I like being on your bike.”

  “I like having you wrapped around me.”

  “Um, that’s all I can think of right now.”

  He rubbed my back. “You see how I didn’t argue with when you told me about all of the reasons why you liked me?”

  “Well, that’s because all of the things I said were true.”

  “And all of the things I said about you were true too, baby girl. I could have argued with everything you said, but instead, I took it for what you said and didn’t try to convince you otherwise.”

  I bit my lip and glared at him. “Stop making sense.” He was right. I wanted to convince him that he didn’t like me every time he told me something he did like. “I just don’t see what you see.”

  “And I don’t see what you see when you look at me, either. I’m an asshole who loves to drive my bike, and I really don’t care who likes me or not. My club has always come first, but for the first time in my life, I’ve found something that’s more important than the Fallen Lords.”

  “What?” I gasped. “You can’t give up your MC for me.”

  He chuckled and shook his head. “I’m not giving up the Fallen Lords. I’m just saying if it ever came down to you or the club, I know that I would always choose you. Doesn’t mean I don’t care about the club, it just means I know at the end of the day, having you in my bed is better than being by myself.”

  “Why do you have to make so much sense?”

  “Because, deep down, you know everything I’m saying in the truth.”

  He was right, and I hated him for that. “So what happens now?”

  “Right now, you stay here with me at the clubhouse until I find Morski, and then after that, we just take it day by day.”

  That didn’t sound very secure to me. Flying by the seat of my pants terrified me. “Um, isn’t there a little bit of a plan in there?” I could give up some of the control, but there was no way I would ever be able to just go whichever way the wind blew and not lose my mind.

  “You need more, huh?”

  I nodded. I needed way more than what he had just said.

  “I get Morski. You
move back to your apartment. I come over every night. I get you pregnant and move in with you. We’re probably going to have to move because, as nice as your apartment is, it’s not big enough for a baby and us. I figure we’ll get at least a three bedroom because I want two kids, possible three. Then we’ll ge—”

  I pressed my finger to his lips and shook my head. “Stop, stop, stop. Way too much. I’m sorry I even asked.” Jesus. Next, he was going to tell me what our kids’ names were going to be. All I wanted was for him to tell me that he was going stick around even after the whole Morski situation was figured out.

  “For telling me you needed more, you sure didn’t like to hear what that more was.”

  “I think the talk about the more that you are referring to should be left to be handled when I’m not hungover. Please.” I buried my face in his neck and prayed to God that we were done with this whole conversation.

  Nickel wanted to be with me, and I was going to try my damnedest not to push him away.

  Try. I was at least going to try.

  **********

  Nickel

  “Where’s Captain?”

  Boink choked on his beer, and I couldn’t help but laugh. “She’s hanging out with Cora and her girl.”

  Pipe nodded. “Her girl got a name?”

  I leaned back in my chair and crossed my legs in front of me. “Nikki. She works with Karmen.” After Karmen and I had our talk, we did a different kind of talking. The kind where when she comes around my dick and tosses her head back because it’s so fucking good.

  “Maybe I’ll swing by and see what they are up to.”

  I shook my head. “Nope, that ain’t fucking happening.”

  “What? Why the hell not? We’re fucking brothers. You should be hooking me up with her.”

  That shit was not going to happen. At least, not with me pushing them together. I didn’t need Pipe fucking over Nikki, and then I had to deal with the aftermath with Karmen. “You want her, then you make it happen, brother. I’m not going to be held responsible when you crash and burn.” And crash and burn he would. I had never seen Pipe with the same girl more than twice.