Shutdown (Nitro Crew, #4) Read online

  I helped Roc out of the truck when we pulled up to the house. He let me help him into the wheelchair, but after that, he rolled away as if I wasn’t even there.

  His phone rang, and he rolled into his room to take the phone call. I heard him talk, but I couldn’t make out anything he was saying.

  I started working on making lunch, knowing he would be hungry soon. The next round of qualifying started around one today, and he would be glued to the TV as soon as it started.

  “You don’t need to make me anything to eat.”

  I spun around, surprised to see him. “It’s almost lunchtime.”

  “Harlyn will be here soon.”

  Harlyn hadn’t mentioned when she left last night that she was coming over today too. I had been hoping to gain enough courage to actually talk to Roc about what was bothering me, but I knew I wasn’t going to be able to that with Harlyn here.

  “Oh. I can make enough food for all of us.”

  Roc shook his head. “You don’t need to.”

  “Roc, I think we ne—”

  He sliced his hand through the air. “I’m not fucking doing this, Mave. You don’t want to be here anymore, and I’m not going to act like I can’t see it. I’m not playing fucking games. Harlyn will be here in half an hour or so. You can go. I’ll be more than fine until she gets here.”

  “Go?” I whispered.

  He nodded. “Got a number from the doctor for a home health service. I’ll have a nurse here Monday morning. Harlyn agreed to come stay with me until then.”

  My already bruised heart sank in my chest. “But...You mean—”

  “I mean, we’re done here. I’ll have a check to you on Monday. You’ll get paid for the whole month for your trouble.” His tone was even and uncaring.

  He was dismissing me. He was done with me.

  I struggled to swallow. I had thought I had cried all of the tears I had last night, but obviously I hadn’t. “Roc, please I—”

  “Leave the keys to the SUV on the counter. Harlyn is going to need them.” He backed out of the kitchen and headed back to his room.

  “Roc,” I gasped.

  He stopped but didn’t turn around. “Just don’t, Mave. This was a bad idea to begin with. I never should have asked you in the first place. It was destined to end badly.”

  He rolled into his room and firmly shut the door behind him.

  I looked around the place I had been calling home for the past few weeks. The couch I had cuddled with Roc on. The kitchen table we had breakfast at every morning. All of the times Roc had pulled me into his chair and kissed me senseless.

  I had been making this house my home, and now, it was all yanked out from under me because I was too much of a coward to talk to Roc. I was too afraid to ask the questions that had answers that could change my future.

  I had a chance with Roc, and I was damn sure I had completely fucked it up.

  My eyes closed, and I fought back my tears.

  This was my own fault, and I had no one else to blame.

  The only thing left to do was leave.

  *

  Roc

  I listened to her move through the house, grabbing everything that was hers.

  Her footsteps moved toward my door, and I held my breath.

  I had said everything I needed to.

  Things had changed between Mave and me.

  Changed so quickly that I did the only thing I could think of.

  I let her go.

  Her footsteps moved away from the door, and then the front door opened and closed.

  She was gone.

  *

  Chapter Seventeen

  Mave

  How could a man who I had never even slept with break my heart into a million pieces?

  How had Roc Krinston snuck into my life, made himself at home, and then left so quickly?

  How?

  *

  Chapter Eighteen

  Roc

  “What did you do?”

  I shrugged and finished my beer. “No fucking clue, Harlyn.”

  “Then why did she leave?”

  “Because I asked her to.”

  Harlyn’s jaw dropped. “You asked Mave to leave?”

  I nodded and grabbed a handful of chips.

  “And you’re just sitting here like you didn’t just have the best thing ever leave.” She closed her eyes. “I knew you were going to mess this up.”

  “She was my personal nurse, Harlyn. There wasn’t anything there. We weren’t anything to mess up.” There was a fuck-ton there, but obviously none of that had mattered to Mave.

  Mave had made sure of that when she had shut me out.

  “She didn’t say anything to you?”

  I had gone over this shit with Harlyn three times already, and I was tired opening up the wound. “I told you what she said, Harlyn.”

  “Which was nothing.”

  “Basically,” I grunted.

  “Well, hell,” she sighed. “I really thought Mave was going to stick around.”

  “You and me both.” I wheeled over to the fridge and grabbed another beer.

  “So you’re just going to drink beer and not try to figure out how to fix things?” Harlyn stormed into the kitchen and slammed the fridge shut. “You need to go fix this, Dad.”

  I chuckled and shook my head. “That’s not gonna happen, Harlyn.”

  “Then what are you going to do?” she demanded.

  I popped open the top of the beer and downed half of it. “Stay drunk all weekend, meet my new nurse Monday, and then start physical therapy Tuesday.” I was bound and determined to get back to normal. The doctor had been slightly concerned about starting therapy this coming week, but I needed to get going. It had been close to three weeks since the accident.

  Getting out of the house that had memories with Mave was my number one priority. As soon as I got out of the house and back on the road with the crew, I would forget about her.

  At least, that was what I hoped for.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Mave

  “Check on him in an hour to make sure his pain level has gone. If it hasn’t, then give him another dose.”

  Delaney nodded and scribbled on the small notepad in her hand. “Do you think his pain will be better?”

  I squinted at the screen in front of me. “I honestly don’t know. He’s thinking he has a pulled muscle in his back, but I’m pretty sure it’s a kidney stone.” I clicked off the patient's file and opened the next. “Once we get him into imaging, we’ll be able to better help him.”

  “Crazy they are backed up over half an hour. Everyone seems to be breaking bones today.”

  I hummed under my breath. “So it would seem.” I read over the next chart and sighed. “No change on room twelve.”

  It was the end of my first week back at work, and I was exhausted. Getting back into working ten hour shifts after being off for so long was not an easy feat.

  “Wanna go out for a drink?” Delaney finished scribbling on her notepad and spun on her chair to face the computer.

  “I’ll pass.”

  “Really?”

  I signed out of the computer and leaned back in my chair. “Yeah. I’m tired.”

  “Just one drink?”

  I laughed and shook my head. “Pass. I’m forty-one, not twenty-one. I need to be in bed by ten, get a good nine hours of sleep, and make sure I take my vitamins every day.”

  Delaney rolled her eyes. “You’re the youngest forty-year-old I know.”

  “Ask me next week. Getting back into the swing of things here totally drained me.”

  “That mean you’re never going to take a vacation again?”

  At least not like the vacation I had taken. “Not for a while.”

  Delaney hadn’t talked to me about what had happened with Roc. She worked herself up to asking me about it all week but never actually got around to it.

  I wasn’t about to be the one to bring it up.

  “You go
t the rest of this?”

  All that was left to do was paperwork and briefing the next shift coming on. Delaney could handle the paperwork since she was still in her residency, and I would take the easier job of briefing the ones coming in. Most of the time, everything was in the charts and nothing really need to be explained further.

  “Yeah. I just need to update the last two patients and then I’m done.” Delaney typed away and bit her lip.

  “You know who’s coming on?”

  Delaney shook her head. “No. I thought it was Neuman but Sandra told me he had an emergency.”

  I pursed my lips and sighed. That meant one thing. Dale was going to be the attending doctor tonight.

  Shit.

  I was damn good at avoiding him, but fate was not on my side this time. “I can finish that.”

  Delaney glanced up at me. “You just did the math of who is going to be covering tonight, didn’t you?”

  I chewed on the end of my pen and sighed. “Yeah.”

  A familiar voice I hate sounded down the hall, and I knew I wasn’t going to be able to avoid Dale.

  “Hello, Mave.”

  I closed my eyes and hung my head. “Hello, Dale.”

  “Don’t seem too excited to see me, Mave. People are going to think that we actually get along.”

  I spun around in my chair and watched Dale round the nurses station and drop his backpack under the desk by my feet. “No one would believe it.”

  He smirked and pulled his windbreaker over his head. “That is true. Everyone knows you’re the angry shrew and I’m the charming doctor.”

  I rolled my eyes. “I really hate you.”

  Dale looked past me to Delaney. “Hello, Delaney,” he said smoothly.

  Delaney was immune to his sickly sweet charm. “Good evening, Dr. Clark. I’ll have your charts updated in just one minute.”

  “Why can’t you be as charming as Delaney?” Dale asked me.

  I shrugged and tucked my pen in the pocket of my white jacket. “I’ll work harder on that just for you, Dale.”

  Delaney printed off the last chart and tucked them into a file.

  I leafed through them and went over a few things that Dale was going to have to deal with.

  “Why hasn’t this guy been into imaging yet?” Dale pointed at the patient who I was sure had a kidney stone.

  “Because they’re backed up, Dale.”

  He tsked and pulled out his pen to make a note. “I’ll take care of that.”

  I’m sure he would. More than likely because he was messing around with the technician working that night.

  “You should have a pretty quiet night.” I grabbed my purse from under the desk and hitched it over my shoulder. “Have a good night, Dale.”

  I was halfway to the door, close to my escape from the asshole, when he called my name. “Mave!”

  “Yeah?” I called without turning around.

  “You catch more flies with honey, you know that, right?”

  “What exactly is that supposed to mean?” I called.

  “It just means you might not die an old woman if you’d maybe smile once and awhile.”

  I heard Delaney audibly gasp.

  This was typical protocol for Dale.

  His goal in life since we had gotten divorced was to get a rise out of me.

  He wasn’t going to get it this time.

  “I’ll remember that.” I pushed through the doors of the ER and out into the waiting area. Seven people were there in line waiting to be seen, and a little joy surged through me.

  Dale was going to have a shit night, and that made me smile.

  Not a lot had made me smile the past week but knowing Dale was going to be working his ass off did it for me.

  I was going to live off that fleeting moment of happiness because there really wasn’t much else to be happy about.

  Before the door shut behind me, I heard the familiar sound of someone throwing up, and I sighed.

  Good fucking luck, Dale.

  I loved when karma worked in my favor.

  *

  Chapter Twenty

  Roc

  “Not up for it.”

  The phone was muffled and then Jay’s voice came through clear. “Brooks said the plane is ready for you.”

  “I’ll be at the next one.”

  “Harlyn said your physical therapy was going good.”

  It was, but I wasn’t up for making it to a race. I wasn’t mobile on my own, and I really didn’t want to bring the grumpy woman who was now my nurse with me. “Next weekend, I’ll be at Summernats.”

  By then, I should be much more mobile and not need to bring the old hag with me. I had not won the personal nurse lottery when I had called Pleasant Care Nursing.

  Karen could have taken a few lessons from Mave on bedside manner. Though, to be fair, her being a bear was motivating the hell out of me to get my ass in gear.

  “We could use you here this weekend.”

  “You guys will be fine.” I was at the garage all week and had been there for every practice. The car was running great, and there wasn't any reason why the team shouldn’t win the fourth race in a row. “Just stick to the program and tell Brooks to stay the hell away from the squirrels.”

  Jay chuckled. “He's never gonna live that shit down, is he?”

  “Not if I have anything to do with it.”

  “All right,” Jay sighed. “I’ll let the crew know you won’t be here but you’ll be back next week.”

  “You’re making it sound like you guys actually miss me.”

  “Frankie is great and all but she doesn’t have the Roc pizzazz.”

  We may give each other shit all of the time, but in the end we really were a team that needed each other.

  “Don’t ever say my name and pizzazz in the same sentence again.”

  But we didn’t need to say out loud that we were a good team. Better to keep them thinking they were all idiots.

  “Pizzazz,” Jay sighed.

  I hung up the phone and tossed it on the bed.

  It was only nine o’clock, but I was in bed because I didn’t want to spend any more time than I needed to with Karen.

  Going from Mave to Karen was a real kick to the nuts. The difference between the two was day and night, and even though Karen had been there three weeks already, I was ready to move her the fuck out.

  My phone dinged, and I saw it was Harlyn.

  How’s it going?

  Still alive.

  She replied instantly. Guess that is good.

  When you’re my age it is.

  The little bubbles moved while she typed. Was gonna see if you wanted to go out with me and Delaney for a drink.

  No. No point beating around the bush. I wasn’t up to going out.

  Just one drink.

  I’ll pass.

  Your oldness is shocking right now.

  I shook my head. I’ll see you tomorrow.

  Goodnight, father.

  Goodnight, daughter.

  “Going to bed, Mr. Krinston,” Karen shouted through the door.

  I grunted in response and listened to her stomp up the stairs.

  I couldn’t get back on my own soon enough. I knew when Mave had been around, I had been eager to start walking, but that was because I just wanted to get back to normal. Now, I wanted to get walking just to get Karen out of my house.

  The one bad thing about going to bed early to escape Karen was I wasn’t even remotely tired. I checked the stats and points on the polls, checked my email for the tenth time, and then I looked through my apps.

  “Oh hell,” I muttered.

  I clicked on the icon for the dating site I had joined on a whim. I didn’t have a picture of myself on there, and no one even knew my name. I went by the screen name RocTime and had actually had a few messages back and forth with a few women. One in particular stuck out, and I scrolled through my messages ‘til I found her.

  Without even thinking about it, I sent off a
message to her.

  Hey, just letting you know I’ll be deleting my profile. I met someone and while things are a mess right now with her, I don’t feel right having this app anymore. Best wishes.

  I hit send, deleted the app, and tossed my phone on the nightstand.

  Things with Mave really were a mess right now, and I had no idea how to fix them. Every day, I picked up my phone to call or text her, but I never went through with it. I wanted to apologize for having her leave, but then I also wanted to know what the hell I had done in the first place.

  Harlyn kept bugging me about talking to her, but the time wasn’t right. Not yet.

  I had her check messengered over to her at the hospital on the Monday after she left, but she had yet to cash it. The company that had delivered it confirmed that she had received it, so I didn’t know what she was waiting for.

  I wanted to get the past completely behind us and fulfilling my part of that agreement was the last piece I needed to do.

  I put my arms behind my head and stared up at the ceiling.

  Fixing a fuck-up.

  Something I had never really done before.

  When I would mess up at the track, there wasn’t much talking about it. You just fixed it and moved on.

  With Harlyn’s mom, I hadn’t tried at all to fix things between us, and that was why our marriage was doomed from the beginning. I wanted to start over with Mave and fix all of the shit I had messed up.

  I wanted a shot at Mave without her being here because I was paying her or because she felt sorry for me.

  I wanted her here because that was where she wanted to be, and I wasn’t going to give up her just yet.

  There was still a chance. I was going to go all-in on Mave, and I wasn’t going to give up ‘til she shut me down completely.

  *

  Mave

  And that was the final straw.

  The guy who I had been talking to a couple of months ago messaged me that he was basically in love with another woman and to have a good life. I mean, obviously something must have happened for him to go two months without talking to me, but I really didn’t need this on top of Roc telling me to leave.